One of the biggest concerns that most couples have when they are considering divorce is the impact it will have on their children.  How will the children react to living with one parent over the other?  Will they understand that your divorce will actually lead to a happier and healthier life for them?  Divorce brings with it massive changes.    Your children will learn though your example.  If you choose to make the change with their well being in mind they will continue to thrive.

Children have a different perception of divorce depending on their age, gender and history with stress.  Without proper guidance even the most well adjusted, stable, resilient child can end up with emotional problems and less than desirable long term affects.  This does not have to be inevitable.  With parents who ensure that this new chapter in life is embraces children can come out of the divorce process rather unscathed.

One way that this can happen is if both parties agree to joint custody and co-parenting.  There are a number of challenges that come along with parenting during and after a divorce but if you work together they lessen dramatically.  You make have conflicts with your ex that makes this challenging.  Communicating cordially can be difficult.  There is a reason that you have decided to no longer be married.  This however should not impact the decisions that need to be made on behalf of your children.

Make choices together that benefit your children.  When co-parenting you are both spending equal amounts of time with your children.  Communicating with your ex frequently is part of making this a successful arrangement.  Co-parenting should help allow your children’s lives to remain as consistent as they can.  One of the goals with co-parenting is allowing your children to live normally between two households.  It allows children of divorce the luxury of not having to pack up a suitcase every other weekend to visit with their other parent.

Having children was a choice you made together as is every decision that is made surrounding their lives.  Just because you choose to no longer live as one family unit does not mean that your partner is not allowed to weigh in on the decisions that affect them.  Co-parenting allows you the opportunity to both remain in control of each and every aspects of parenting.  You will need to work together on a common set of rules that need to be abided by no matter which home they are in.  The transitions from one home to the other should be made without any noticeable difference to avoid any undue impact on your children.

When it comes to bigger issues or to a disagreement on how to approach an issue with the children you will be challenged.  Don’t go into battle with your ex.  This is not helpful to the end goal and will only put your children in the middle.  Depending on what the issue is will depend on how it is handled.  You can consult with a mediator, schedule time for a consultation with a co-parenting specialist or agree to disagree but support the end decision.

Consulting with a co-parenting specialist is one way in which many divorce parents make the arrangement work well.  Not every detail is one that needs to be debated.  Some issues can be resolved by doing what works well at one house verse the other.  While other issues need to be addressed the same no matter where the children are at any given moment.  A consultant specializing in the co-parenting arrangement can work with you to come up with a parenting plan that works under both roofs.  This arrangement allows for the adverse affects of divorce on your children to be as minimal as any change of this magnitude can be.

Longton DM, a subsidiary of Longton Law Offices is a divorce attorney specializing in Men/Dad’s in divorce.  For experienced representation throughout the divorce process in Trenton, Michigan and the surrounding area you can find more information at