Tag: Child Support

Co-Parenting Helps Raise Emotionally Healthy Children

Maintaining a good relationship with your ex for the sake of raising your children together is not always easy.  It is simpler to walk away from your ex and think of them as a distant memory the minute the divorce decree is signed but this is not as easy for those who share custody of a children.  In order to live with your ex on a daily basis it is crucial to learn how to cope with them on a regular basis.  A good relationship with your children’s father after your divorce takes a lot more commitment and effort on your part than your marriage ever did.  In order to do this there are five basic reminders to live by.  Living by these five rules on a regular basis will lead you to the happiest life possible for you and your children.

All animosity between the two of you should be left behind: With any life change, especially divorce comes a period of transition.  Your life has been changed and now you are left to lead the type of life you truly want to.  This will start a while new chapter for you, your ex and your children.  Leave the resentment and past problems right where they are.  The past is the past and the present is yours to define with your ex and the children shared between the two of you.

Don’t worry about the stigma of divorce: When a couple gets married and divorced at a young age the thought is that the marriage was rushed into. The stigma is that you were not as mature as older adults who marry later in life.  Marriage takes a commitment along with a lot of hard work; it is not for many couples no matter how young or old they are.  Having children makes marriage a whole lot more work as well no matter how old you are when you get married and settle into having children.  Don’t let other peoples judgments create your story.

Don’t make our friends and family chose sides:  When a divorce takes place it is important to ensure your family and friends that there is no need to take sides.  This is especially important when it comes to co-parenting.  The families remain a vital part of your children’s lives and therefore will remain a part of yours and your ex’s.  Do your best to foster this and grow a relationship with all of the people in your children’s lives.

Don’t forget to be flexible and respectful:  If your children want to babysit the dog they shares with your ex while he is away on a business trip allow for a change of plans.  If your ex needs to switch days he is with your son, do so without a hassle.  This will foster a better relationship between the two of you and make the times you need help a bit easier for him to return the favor and help you.  Plus it shows your children there can be a win-win situation in a divorce.

No matter how turbulent your divorce was it is time to write a new future with your ex for the sake of your children.  Keep an outlook that focuses on the benefits of co-parenting.  Divorce attorneys will tell you that a positive, fresh outlook on co-parenting while leaving the dust of the divorce to settle is in the best interest of all parties.

Longton DM, a subsidiary of Longton Law Offices is a divorce attorney specializing in Women/Mom’s in divorce throughout Trenton and the surrounding Michigan areas. Find us at http://www.michigandivorcelawyerforwomen.com.

What To Expect As A Modern Woman Going Through A Divorce

No one is an expert when it comes to divorce. Every divorce is unique and offers a different set of challenges. There are however common bonds that, frequently made mistakes and unexpected results that all occur in one form or another when women are going through the divorce process. In this installment divorce attorneys share some information that has been shared with them to help get women through their divorces both financially and emotionally.

Not only does the divorce itself take awhile the finality of it tends to take a long time to recover from. This is natural and should be taken in stride. You will recover from your divorce. It may take you a longer period of time than it did your best friend, your sister or co-worker but it will happen. There will be days you can barley function while others where you are concurring the world. Surround yourself with a variety of support systems and continue to move through the process until one day you wake up and it is not the first thing you think about.

The divorce attorney you choose is important. Don’t settle for a criminal defense attorney, a probate attorney or any other type other than a family law attorney that specializes in divorce, child custody, alimony with a focus on women’s rights in divorce. A local divorce attorney specializing in family law will get you a better settlement than anyone else. They are versed in divorce proceedings, local judges and other local attorneys. They will work the system to make sure you come out on top.

Dig into your finances. Don’t let your spouse tell you what you have and what you don’t have. It is important to gain access to all financial documentation that either one of you possesses. So many divorces occur because of financial disagreements. Before you even file or your spouse gets wind that you plan to leave start to organize and access all of your joint accounts and all of the single accounts you both have. Online passwords should be documented along with the name and account number of all accounts that are held by either of you or jointly. The more information you gather the better off you will end up financially once the marriage dissolves.

Consider how much it will cost you to live independently. The well being of you and your children will depend a lot on the financial aspect of the divorce. Estimate high on living expenses and such. Don’t let the emotions of the divorce get in the way of ensuring that you are your children will continue to live the lifestyle you have become accustomed to. Keep in mind incidentals that may not be able to be kept after the divorce such as health care. If your spouse is currently carrying insurance on you and the kids it needs to be specified that this will continue or that they will compensate the loss out of pocket.

The goal in any divorce is to split from one another. It is not important who is at fault and trying to get back at one another only leads to more problems in the end. Leave the complicated stuff to the divorce attorneys to work out and start fresh. Your ex will more than likely be willing to comply with what you are asking for if the proceedings are coming along without a lot of drama. Both parties are looking for a clean break and a fresh start to move on. Your divorce frees you from any obligation you had to your spouse. It is a perfect time to head out into the world and become the you that may have been oppressed in your marriage.

Longton DM, a subsidiary of Longton Law Offices is a divorce attorney specializing in Women/Mom’s in divorce throughout Trenton and the surrounding Michigan areas. Find us at http://www.michigandivorcelawyerforwomen.com.

Women Should Know This Before They Get Divorced

There are so many feelings that occur when getting divorced.  It is important to consider even the most unexpected situations to better prepare yourself for what can happen after your divorce is finalized.  Here are the top issues that women have shared about their experiences during and after their divorce.

Recovery May Take Longer Than You Thought:  Even the strongest of women admit they have a hard time functioning after a divorce.  Every person going through a divorce heals at their own pace.  Some women bounce back immediately while others take years to get back to living on their own.

Choose Your Divorce Attorney Wisely: Choose an attorney that specializes in family law.  A divorce attorney is the best option to handle your divorce.  Sometimes a criminal attorney will take on a divorce case.  This is not your best option when choosing an attorney.  A family law attorney specializing in divorce is the best option in getting the best possible settlement.

Dig Into All Finances Both Individual and Joint:  Many divorces, actually about forty percent, center around finances.  When you are getting divorced it is important that you get all of the information pertaining to your finances both individually and together.  Gather information on all of the accounts held within the home.  Figure out what payments are made automatically and where money is invested.  The more you know, the more your attorney can get for you in a settlement.

Determine What Future Living Expenses Will Be:  It is important to be financially set once the divorce occurs.  Your well being, as well as the well being of your children is of the utmost importance.  Gather an estimate of what you believe the current cost of living is before the divorce proceedings begin.  You need to know what you will have to have in the future to maintain the lifestyle you are accustomed to.

Consider Unexpected Costs:  It is never easy to think about the future expenses that may arise but when going through a divorce it is important to do just that.  An account is needed to assist with unexpected expenses that occur during and after the divorce proceedings.   It is important to have a savings that covers three months of expenses upon separation and divorce.

Hurting Your Ex Usually Backfires: Hurting your ex in turn hurts your children.  Anything you say or write is out there forever and always for your children to see or hear.  Be careful when talking about your ex.  Kill them with kindness over trashing them.  In the long run you will end up in a better position than if you choose to bash them.

Your Kids Will Hide Their Feelings From You:  Kids are notorious for saying they are fine when in fact nothing about them is okay.  The behavior of your children will change after they experience their parents divorcing.  Younger children may become clingy and want to sleep with you.  Older children may start disobeying and acting out in more dangerous ways.  Whatever your child does it is important to see it and address the situation with care and understanding.  A counselor or family therapist is incredibly helpful to assist children in working through their feelings and getting to a point of acceptance.

Divorce Is Freeing:  More than anything women find that after some time they actually feel free after their divorce is over.  Living life for you without compromising with another individual is the most freeing experience a woman can feel.  Embrace the new chapter that is opening.  Your book is open ended after you have experienced a divorce.  Choose new hobbies, get the kids involved in activities that you can enjoy together and start to move forward; creating a new chapter is an incredibly freeing adventure for newly single women.

Longton DM, a subsidiary of Longton Law Offices is a divorce attorney specializing in Women/Mom’s in divorce throughout Trenton and the surrounding Michigan areas. Find us at http://www.michigandivorcelawyerforwomen.com.

Choosing A Healthy Divorce

Is there such thing as a healthy divorce?  Does working with one attorney over another make a difference in the health of your relationships once your divorce is finalized?  Believe it or not the attorney you choose to help you throughout your divorce really does change the outcome of your relationships with your ex and your children.  Divorce is difficult.  It is a time that catches you at anything but your best; that is one of the main reasons you need to find an attorney to compliment your end goals and desires.  A divorce attorney that understands this will help make the process and end result easier to handle.

The first thing to understand is that your divorce is not a battle.  Take the right approach from the start.  Find a family law attorney that has this same mindset.  Find an attorney that also doesn’t believe that divorce must be a combat situation.  If you or your attorney go into the process concerned only with winning your divorce turns into a situation that is hurtful, angry and heated.  This is especially harmful if children are involved.  It is important that you work together with your ex.  This will lead to a relationship after divorce that is cohesive and benefits the emotional well being of both you and your children.

There will be many things that will need to be divided up within your divorce.  Consider joint assets for what they are and nothing more.  Yes, the blanket that covered your couch may be super comfy but is it really worth fighting for?  If your ex is really attached to a piece don’t fight them for it.  It is more important that the division of assets is fair.  If you choose to be cooperative throughout the process you will find this may entice your ex to do the same.  Who cares if in the end you need to buy new dishes or sheets?

It may be difficult to begin talking with your spouse about dividing your joint assets. One way to help ease this conversation is by starting out with a written list.  Divide the joint assets up into three categories: things you really want, things you would like and things that don’t really matter.  Compare the list you have created with the list your ex has come up with.  What this accomplishes is a starting point.  You may compare lists and realize that the things you both value are completely different and therefore easier to split.  It also allows for a bit of negotiation as you may choose to give up some of those things that you would like in favor of more important pieces that you really want.  You will find this true of your ex as well.  Your divorce attorneys can set up a time for mediation where this can be discussed in a non-hostile manner.

It is important that you seek legal advice from an attorney that also believes in ending your marriage in a healthy manner.  Having an attorney that helps you remain level headed throughout the divorce process will only help to facilitate a healthy end to your marriage and start to your new life.

Longton DM, a subsidiary of Longton Law Offices is a divorce attorney specializing in Women/Mom’s in divorce throughout Trenton and the surrounding Michigan areas. Find us at http://www.michigandivorcelawyerforwomen.com.

The Unpredictability In Marriage

No one person fully understands why some marriages last while others don’t.  There are however some common elements that we see to why couples seek a divorce.  Some marriages fall apart because of a number of elements while others just seem to disintegrate for no reason at all.  The list below includes common elements divorce attorneys see in cases of divorce.  Knowing what causes a major to fail may help individuals avoid these failings when seeking a long term relationship in the future.

The most common reason men and women give that are looking to dissolve their marriage is unfaithfulness.  Infidelity causes approximately sixty five percent of all marriages to end.  The hurt that comes along with one spouse cheating on another is almost always a hurt that cannot be mended.  Marriages where infidelity occurs must take massive steps towards repair in order to survive.

Another common reason for divorce is financial disagreements.  Often one partner is a spender and one is a saver.  Instead of working together to determine an appropriate budget to meet both their needs the situation is often ignored.  This leads both partners to feel major resentment towards the other.  This cycle has many pitfalls that eventually lead to divorce.

Addiction is another main reason given as reason that individuals are seeking a divorce.  Addiction to sports, gambling, liquor, drugs or any other substance that causes one spouse to neglect another leaves one spouse feeling neglected and unloved.  In marriage neither partner wants to take a backseat in the others life.  When addiction occurs the person can no longer see the needs of his or her partner and therefore the downward spiral occurs. If you notice addictive tendencies in a person before you marry don’t think that just because they get married they will change. This simply does not occur.  It doesn’t matter what promises are made beforehand.

Physical attraction is most often the first thing that draws us into an attraction and therefore is one of the top reasons the attraction dissolves.  This sounds crazy to many of us however is a very legitimate reason involved in seeking a divorce.  One spouse may feel resentment towards the other if they have gained weight or their appearance has changed drastically.  This decrease in attraction can cause a lack of sexual interest both which result in a failed marriage.

Violence and physical abuse are also listed as top reasons marriages end in divorce.  If one spouse is verbally or physically abusive the marriage is doomed.  This behavior will become more and more violent especially if the abuser doesn’t recognize the issue at hand.  If one partner is unwilling to change a divorce is inevitable.

Immaturity is another common occurrence in marriage that leads one spouse to file for divorce.  Marriage is intended for two committed adults.  When one of these individuals fails to advance to the next level of maturity it can become too cumbersome a job for the other to take on.  Raising children on top of dealing with an immature spouse can become overwhelming.

Marriage is not to be entered into lightly and neither is divorce.  Divorce attorneys advise couples experiencing any type of conflict first meet with a counselor to seek out resolution before committing to a divorce.  After this process there will be clarity on whether a reconciliation can be worked towards or not.

Longton DM, a subsidiary of Longton Law Offices is a divorce attorney specializing in Women/Mom’s in divorce throughout Trenton and the surrounding Michigan areas. Find us at http://www.michigandivorcelawyerforwomen.com.

Steps To Take Before Divorcing

Before a couple decides that their marriage is over and a divorce is inevitable it is advisable to seek out alternative options.  While not every marriage is salvageable it is best to be sure yours isn’t before taking the step to dissolve it permanently.  Divorce is a difficult process not only for you and your spouse but also for your children and extended family.  Strongly consider looking into some or all of the options below before calling it quits.  Divorce is the last step in marriage and considerably one that should be worked to avoid.

Seek out the advice of a divorce attorney even as you try to salvage your marriage as they can also help you to protect yourself in this volatile state.  A divorce attorney has critical advice to share as well as contacts within your local community to help you as you salvage your marriage and thereafter if divorce is the chosen option in the end.

Marriage counseling is the first step that is often recommended to couples who are struggling to keep their marriage intact.  Marriage counseling takes commitment and work from both partners to have any hope at success.  Counseling will help you identify problems in the marriage and work towards resolution.  Even if in the end you feel like a permanent separation in the form of divorce is needed you and your spouse should take away a good deal of information to help lead towards productive communication as issues come about in the divorce and custody process.

A trial separation may be a next step to consider as it will allow you and your spouse to work on your issues apart.  The hard part of a trial separation is when it comes to your children.  Try to work out a solution that allows you to separate but not uproot the children and their day to day routine and activities.  The space that comes with a trial separation is invaluable.  In order for this to be an effective manner in which you continue to work on your marriage you must work together.  Create a timeline so that both parties have specifics on how long the separation will last and what each of you desires upon reconciliation.

When moving forward with either of the above options or both of them it is important that you seek advice from an attorney specializing in divorce.  Seeking council should not be considered a step closer to the dissolution of your marriage but instead as a way to protect yourself if in fact a divorce is inevitable even after marriage counseling and/or a trial separation.

Longton DM, a subsidiary of Longton Law Offices is a divorce attorney specializing in Women/Mom’s in divorce throughout Trenton and the surrounding Michigan areas. Find us at http://www.michigandivorcelawyerforwomen.com.

Overcoming The Challenges Summer Brings To Divorced Parents

Summer vacation is a difficult time for many working parents.  It is stressful to consider what your children will be doing day in and day out throughout the summer while you are working.  Will they be at summer camp?  How will you afford that extra expense or that of child care?  The challenges faced double when it comes to couples that are divorced and sharing time and expenses.  Below are some of the most common mistakes when it comes to summertime with divorced parents.

Summertime is not the time to have a vague parenting plan or a non-existing one.  A detailed parenting plan is necessary in the summer to make for hassle free planning.  It can also help to avoid the monetary issues related summer plans and your children.  Before summer begins have a detailed written plan that states exactly what weeks the children will be with each parent as well as who is to pay for camps, childcare and other extra activities that come about during the summer.  This will help circumvent issues before they arise.

As a result of the divorce there are fewer finances available for summertime fun.  With this in mind it is important to remember that not everything your children did during the summer prior to the divorce is going to be financially able to be done now.  Money is divided differently and therefore activities that are done are different as well.  This is also the case if one parent stayed home with the children during the summer before you were divorced.  This luxury is most likely not available to parents that are newly divorced and childcare will need to be planned and budgeted for.   It is important to remember that fun times and memories of childhood summers don’t come from money spent rather time spent.

With divorce comes conflict between parents and differences of opinions.  This happens a lot with divorce, parental styles tend to change and summer time makes this more evident than ever before.  When parents are not on the same wave length when it comes to parenting the children can often feel the stress.  Don’t allow yourself to be succumbed to arguing over each and every detail that summer brings.

To avoid chaos over summer vacation it is important that you meet with your divorce attorney to ensure that your parenting plan is detailed and realistic.  If nothing is in place addressing summer directly it is important to have a meeting of the minds.  If there are drastic differences you may want to meet with your divorce attorneys and a mediator to establish a plan, a routine and a financial order to cover the bases of summer.

Longton DM, a subsidiary of Longton Law Offices is a divorce attorney specializing in Women/Mom’s in divorce throughout Trenton and the surrounding Michigan areas. Find us at http://www.michigandivorcelawyerforwomen.com.

Women To Women Advice On Your Divorce

Wouldn’t life be wonderful if we could give ourselves advice on experiences before we experienced them?  Divorce is a hindsight 20/20 situation.  Divorce is one of those situations where we need advice before we go through it but often don’t know where to turn.  Other women who have gone though divorce come in to play to help us.  Below are the top ten pieces of advice women give each other when moving through the divorce process.

It can take some time to recover

Just because the divorce process has started or finalized does not mean that there is an automatic switch that will allow you to recover.  Recovering from a divorce is difficult.  You won’t necessarily be able to bounce back and go about your life as it was.  Take time to recover.  You need time to process and heal.  You may feel like you can barely function and that too is okay.  Be ready however because there will come a time when you will be ready to move on and to let yourself heal.

Choose an attorney specializing in divorce

When looking for council don’t settle on an attorney; it is important that you find an attorney that specializes in family law and divorce.  A lawyer that specializes in something other than divorce and family law will not get you the results you want out of your divorce.  A divorce attorney understands all the ins and outs of local law and state nuances.

Analyze your finances

Get as much information as you can about the family finances.  You not only have to have a handle on your own finances but also a grip on all of the accounts within the household.  You should know what payments are coming out automatically, where funds are invested, what bills need to be paid and more.  If possible gather online usernames and passwords so that you are able to look up information as needed.

Consider the future of your living expenses

If you are going to be living on your own it is important that consider the money that you have coming in to decide what you can afford to have outgoing every month.  If you don’t know exactly what you will need you won’t know what to ask for and then may end up sacrificing your own financial needs.

Stop thinking of divorce as failure

Don’t beat yourself up.  Divorce is not about failing or being rejected all it means is that your relationship did not work out.  The sooner you understand that you are not at fault the sooner you will be able to get on with moving on with your life.

Longton DM, a subsidiary of Longton Law Offices is a divorce attorney specializing in Women/Mom’s in divorce throughout Trenton and the surrounding Michigan areas. Find us at http://www.michigandivorcelawyerforwomen.com.

Tips On Finding A Divorce Attorney

If you are sure your marriage is at the end of the line, beyond repair is better to have a consult with a family law, divorce attorney.  In order to make it through one of the most difficult processes of your life you must make sure you have as much information as possible.  You need an attorney that fits comfortably with your end goals; this will require trust and good communication between the two of you.  Over the next few months the two of you will work closely together; leaving you divulging important personal and financial information to someone who months ago was a perfect stranger.

Here are some tips to consider when shopping around for a divorce attorney:

Don’t Tell Your Spouse

Until you are fully aware of all of your rights and responsibilities it is best to keep your hunt for a divorce attorney on the down low from your significant other.  If your spouse finds out that you are looking for an attorney they may stop contributing to the household, remove joint funds out of the bank and stop paying bills.  It is best to find out where you stand legally before you notify your spouse that you have found an attorney specializing in divorce and family law.

Your Family Matters

Choose an attorney that specializes in family law.  As a mother you know the sole focus throughout the divorce needs to be your children and their needs.  A family law attorney should be able to put you in contact with experts in counseling children as well as experts in your personal wellbeing.

Ask Around For Referrals

If you have friends that are recently divorced ask about any attorney recommendations.  Your lawyer’s strengths should match your needs.  Don’t solely go based off of a favorable settlement achieved by the lawyer.  None of that will mean that they will be supportive as you proceed through the divorce process.  Even with a stellar recommendation from a friend or family you need to make sure the referral meets your needs.

Consider the Fees & Charges

Most divorce attorneys charge between three to five hundred dollars an hour.  Determine what the attorney’s retainer fee is and see what you realistically can afford.  Going into debt hiring a divorce attorney is not going to help your end game.  Find an attorney that you can afford that also fits the criteria you have in place with your wants and needs in the end.

Have a Thorough Consultation

During your consultation it is crucial that your attorney gets as much information as possible from you.  Often divorce attorneys offer a free; during this consultation the attorney will want to find out about your children, your income and your assets.  With your objectives and the information you provide the attorney will talk with you about what is realistic, what you should expect going further and what you can do to better your chances to achieve your goals.  This is a good time to get a feel for how your attorney will listen to you and communicate with you in the future.

Longton DM, a subsidiary of Longton Law Offices is a divorce attorney specializing in Women/Mom’s in divorce throughout Trenton and the surrounding Michigan areas. Find us at http://www.michigandivorcelawyerforwomen.com.

Tips To Help Find A Divorce Attorney To Represent You

There is so much more to choosing a divorce attorney then flipping through the yellow pages.  It doesn’t make sense to choose the same attorney that represented you when leasing your first home to also handle your divorce.  Attorney’s all have specialties and it is important to find one that will understand the ins and outs of representing you in your divorce.  Family law attorneys specialize in all things dealing with divorce.  They will represent you not only in your divorce but child custody and support, alimony issues, personal protection orders and restraining orders.  You need an attorney that specializes in the issue at hand, your divorce.

Not only is it important to hire a divorce attorney that specializes in divorce you need to find one that you can comfortably speak with.  Only hire an attorney that you trust and can confide in.  You will need to share with them a lot of information about your marriage including some very private information about yourself and your life together with your partner.

Another important aspect of finding qualified divorce attorney to take on your case is to find an attorney that can speak to you in plain English.  Don’t hire someone that only knows how to speak legalese and can’t relate details of your divorce to you in a manner that you can understand.   You will want to understand the details and exactly what is occurring in your divorce throughout the entire proceedings.

It is crucial that if you have children that your divorce attorney that helps to remind you that they need to come first in every decision that is made in the divorce.  Find an attorney that will help you pursue reasonable demands when it comes to your child custody agreement.  You may be very angry and hurt but you and your attorney should be on the same page when it comes to determining what is best for your children first before the needs of you and your spouse.

The family law, divorce attorney that you choose should be affordable as well.  There is no need to go into deep debt while you are beginning a new life for yourself and your family unit. Expert divorce attorneys who are also affordable are out there to take on your divorce.

Start your search online locating attorneys specializing in divorce and practice law in your area.  This is a perfect time to check them out without the commitment of an afternoon consultation.  Once you have narrowed down a few attorneys that you think fit into what you are looking for call their offices and schedule a time to meet with them to discuss your case in particular.  This short meeting is where you will accumulate the information needed to determine which attorney you feel will represent you and your best interest in your divorce.

Choosing an attorney to represent you in your divorce will not be simple but taking time to find someone qualified, that has your best interests in mind, will pay off for you in the end.

Longton DM, a subsidiary of Longton Law Offices is a divorce attorney specializing in Women/Mom’s in divorce throughout Trenton and the surrounding Michigan areas. Find us at http://www.michigandivorcelawyerforwomen.com.