The effects your divorce has on your children don’t all have to be negative.  Some aspects of divorce can actually affect your children in a positive manner.  If your marriage is one of unhappiness and void of love and respect your children see this hurt every day.   So even though divorce will be difficult on your children positives may occur.  Your children’s reality is built around you both as parents.  This does not mean that it is the only way in which this can occur is under the same roof.

There will be issues that come and go with having parents under separate roofs but they are not any worse than those that can arise with two parents under one roof that are not working as a one.  There are several ways in which parenting together under different roofs leaves your children better off than the alternative.

Communication is the key to ensuring your kids are not afflicted by the negative effects divorce can have on them.  The dissolution of your marriage and those issues are between the two of you and have absolutely nothing to do with the children you created together.  Leave your children out of the discussion that surround finances, property division, custody agreements and such.  Let your kids be kids.  When you are with them communicate in an appropriate manner with your ex.  Be civil enough to communicate with one another with the details surrounding visits as well as the children’s day to day life.  You don’t have to agree but those are the details that should be left out when talking with your children or when they are in ear shot.

Your children should not be expected to change the lifestyle they are accustomed to because of your divorce.  This is something that is not always possible but working together should be probable.  Money spent on your children, for your children and such is just that, money spent on the children you chose to have together.   If your children are accustomed to having a cell phone for instance, this is not an expense that is normal to be included when deciding upon a reasonable monthly child support stipend.  Make arrangements with your ex to split the bill no matter whose name the bill is under.  These situations will arise time and time again with driver’s education, school field trips or outings with friends.  Be clear that the money that is spent for child’s support if used for the basic necessities such as food, clothing and shelter.  The extras should not be expected to be taken from this fund.

The effects of your divorce on your children will depend on the two of you.  Good communication does not mean that you agree on each and every decision what is does mean is that the effects of your divorce on your children will be more positive then negative.

Longton DM, a subsidiary of Longton Law Offices is a divorce attorney specializing in Men/Dad’s in divorce.  For experienced representation throughout the divorce process in Trenton, Michigan and the surrounding area you can find more information at