Tag: Representing Men in Family Law - page 2

Finding A Divorce Attorney To Represent You

 

Where do you turn when you are faced with divorce?  Most people don’t really know the legal ins and outs.  Navigating the difficult process of divorce requires that you hire an expert divorce attorney, preferably one that is specialized in all aspects of family law.  Finding the right divorce attorney is key in a faster, less expensive divorce.  People that complain of messy, drawn out, expensive divorces most likely did not take the time to seek out the support of the right divorce attorney for their situation.  In this article we will give you tips on finding and choosing the right divorce lawyer.

Six Steps When Choosing The Perfect Divorce Attorney

1)      Be Practical

During a divorce this can be a really lofty goal.  It is important to maintain your emotional balance throughout the divorce and understand that the only purpose in your divorce is to divide your joint assets and solve issues in child custody.  Anger, aggravation, pain, sadness and frustration are only a few of the emotions that will strike you throughout this process but don’t let those take over.  You need to be sensible when it comes to the demands you place on your attorney.

2)      Pay Attention To Your Goal

The ultimate goal is to get a divorce without any depreciation to your lifestyle. The end goal is to finalize your divorce, split assets and walk away fairly unscathed.  When children are involved the end goal may be a bit different but generally remains the same.

3)      Identify What You Want

Identifying what you want is not only about marital assets, custody agreements and alimony; it also has to do with the type of divorce you want.  If you are looking at getting the most out of your spouse your divorce will be different than a divorce in which both spouses are willing to compromise and mediate the details of their divorce without litigation.  Different situations require different types of divorce attorneys.  You will want to make sure your attorney is one that can help you get exactly what you want out of your divorce.

4)      Consult With At Least Three Different Divorce and Family Law Attorneys

When searching for an attorney it is best to go online and look for divorce attorneys that work in your area.  Once you have reviewed their websites set up consultations with the three that best look like they will fit with what you are looking for out of your divorce.  Once you meet with them in person you will get a better feel for which on is perfect for your needs.

5)      Be Wary Of Red Flags

Don’t fall for a divorce attorney that tells you everything you want to hear to close the deal.  Look for red flags that make you uncomfortable and follow your gut feelings.  You won’t always hear what you want and that is actually the type of divorce attorney you need; one that will tell you how it is even when it isn’t what you want to hear.

6)      Choose The Divorce Attorney That Will Represent You

The final step is to choose the attorney that will represent you and your best interest.

Longton DM, a subsidiary of Longton Law Offices is a divorce attorney specializing in Men/Dad’s in divorce. For experienced representation throughout the divorce process in Trenton, Michigan and the surrounding area you can find more information at http://www.michigandivorcelawyerfordad.com.

Processing Your Divorce WIth Help From A Divorce Attorney

The ending of your marriage is never easy.  Here are a few tips for men, fathers going through the divorce process to help.

Stop Feeling Sorry For Yourself

It is never easy to go through a traumatic experience and pull yourself out of it but that is the best thing you can do as a man going through a divorce.  Stop feeling sorry for yourself, get over your own personal pity party and start living your new life.  You are not the only one who is going through a divorce and you will survive.  If you are sure your marriage is over, the papers have been served and signed, it is time to resign yourself to the fact your marriage is over.  It is time to move on.  Grieve for a bit but don’t allow yourself to be sucked into thriving off of pity.  Seek professional services for your divorce.  Counseling is not only something available for women in divorce but is also available for men, fathers going through a divorce as well.

Find A Divorce Attorney

Find legal representation as soon as soon as you realize that you are in fact in the midst of a divorce or separation.  A divorce attorney, especially one that specializes in men going through the divorce process will represent your best interest.  What happens frequently in divorce is that the male figure seeks to claim responsibility for a ruined marriage.  Men are fixers and when they are unable to fix their marriage the next best thing for them is to accept responsibility, so they believe.

Get Your Finances In Order

This is far from the truth and can leave many men in financial ruin.  If a divorce is occurring it is because two people failed to be able to create a life together.  No one person is at fault and therefore no one person should take that entire responsibility on themselves.  Don’t end your marriage and believe you are destined to live in financial ruin.  That is not the case.  This is just one of the many reasons men should seek the advice of a professional divorce attorney as soon as they are certain the marriage is coming to an end.

Be There For Your Children

Never stop being a part of your children’s lives and don’t move out of your family home until you have met with a divorce attorney.  Getting a divorce is hard on all parties involved and should be done with a conscience effort to each decision that is made.  Consider your welfare as well as that of your children. Going through a divorce is a step by step process in which a professional divorce attorney for men will advise you in each step along the way.

Longton DM, a subsidiary of Longton Law Offices is a divorce attorney specializing in Men/Dad’s in divorce.  For experienced representation throughout the divorce process in Trenton, Michigan and the surrounding area you can find more information at http://www.michigandivorcelawyerfordad.com.

Surviving The Holidays During A Divorce

Being newly divorced or separated around the holidays is difficult.  How do you go on putting a smile on your face and cheer in your voice when you are still healing on the inside?  Without any visible signs your inner wounds often go unnoticed and end up buried by the chaos everyone else is experiencing with the normal ins and outs of the season. Not only is this time of year difficult for you but also your children who will be experiencing a completely new experience too.  No matter how hard you and your ex work to create a normal holiday your children will still be keen to that missing person on Christmas morning.

Below you will find some survival tips to help you and your family make it through the holiday with a smile and your sanity.

When you are feeling negative emotions from your separation or divorce you need to deal with them, feel them fully and find a way to let them go.  This process is different for each and every divorcee I have ever met.  One thing that is the same is that the negative emotions drag individuals into a private abyss that harbors resentment and anger that will eat your spirit alive if not dealt with and thrown out.  There is no reason to hold on to resentment and bitterness.  It will make you sick which in turn will affect your children and their wellbeing.  Getting the help you need will allow you to pack your negative emotions up and send them away for good.    This alone is the best holiday gift you can give to not only yourself but to everyone around you.

The next thing that you can do is to force yourself to get out there are relay positive energy to everyone whose path you cross.  This may be incredibly difficult given the situation you are experiencing but it is important to consider what they too may be going through.  Even if you are not feeling the merriment of the season pay for the coffee of a stranger, mail a thank you note for something that you may not normally send one for or start a tradition with your kids.  Whatever it takes get out there and bring joy into someone else’s life.  Taking the focus off of your hurt and bringing positive thoughts into your day will help you to remember the joy that is a part of the holiday season.

Consider taking time, either on your own or with your children to help someone who is less fortunate then you are.  It doesn’t matter how difficult your situation is, I guarantee you can find someone who is worse off.  Work to supply meals to those that will be without, give your children money to go buy toys, clothes and books for children living in shelter or visit the elderly.  Making someone else’s situation better is bound to bring the spirit to you.

Take some time for yourself to explore the new you.  After a divorce you no longer have to compromise with anyone.  It is time to do things the way you want to. Embrace your own opinion and move forth considering what is healthy and right for you.  When children are involved this may not be as simple as it sounds.  You will need to consider them in all major decisions that affect their lives just as you would have before.

The divorce attorney’s may no longer be in the picture, the fighting may have settled and assets been split but the hurt may still exist even during the holiday season.  The best thing you can do is to fake it till you make it.  This not only encourages you to move on to a healthy new life but also helps to promote balance and positive energy to your children.  The holiday season is something new and exciting after a divorce.  You can create new traditions to replace ones you weren’t so fond of and keep those you want without having to think about your ex’s feeling or their family either.

Longton DM, a subsidiary of Longton Law Offices is a divorce attorney specializing in Men/Dad’s in divorce.  For experienced representation throughout the divorce process in Trenton, Michigan and the surrounding area you can find more information at http://www.michigandivorcelawyerfordad.com.

Surviving The Holiday As A Newly Divorced Dad

As a divorce father, the trickiest times of year fall around children’s birthdays and throughout the holiday season.  This is especially true for newly divorced dads.  With each year that passes new traditions start to take hold and the season pass without thinking too much about the way things used to be.  Unfortunately it takes time to get comfortable with the way the family is now structured as well as creating new rituals, traditions and special moments together.

When it comes to raising children after divorce there are some couples who can happily agree on everything to do with their children.  They jointly are involved in everything and are comfortable with the new life each has developed.  However, there are some couples that no matter what have a hard time agreeing on a joint way to handle anything involving their children.

Sharing custody can happen in a way that you are both a part of everything and that the only basic difference is which house the kids are sleeping at that night.  It can also be drastically different, one in which the only time you have with your children is the time you are scheduled with them.  You can only attend sporting events when the kids are on your time, you can only attend school functions that fall during your allotted custody time.  The arrangement you have throughout the year will really dictate the natural progression of the holiday season.

If you and your spouse can’t stand one another it is unfathomable that Santa will make just one visit to an agreed upon destination.  If this is the case and you find yourselves unable to put aside your differences you will have to create a new tradition with your children.  Maybe on the Christmas you don’t have the children Santa brings a destination vacation instead of presents.  Then during your allotted time you can go away with them and spend time making memories that have nothing to do with the normal holiday traditions.  On the years in which they celebrate Christmas with you consider going all out on traditional happenings found throughout the season.  The key is to be flexible.  Enjoy the time that you have with them instead of allowing the focus to be on the time without them.

No matter what your level of communication is with your ex it is always advisable to have a plan.  Choose to be proactive in planning for holidays, birthdays etc… and be willing to be the flexible parent.  This goes a long way with making the time your children have with you less stressful.  You may find that you are the one always biting the bullet especially when special occasions come up.  This is hard to take in at first but your ability to flow through these situations will stay with your children forever.  They will see you as the one sacrificing and the one easing their distress.  Choose to be kind and generous.  It is something that your kids will appreciate.

This being said you don’t have to be a push over.  Of course, if there is an issue it is best to meet with your divorce attorney and ask for guidance.  Maybe it is time to meet with friend of the court to work out a more suitable agreement, something that better addresses special occasions within the children’s lives.

Longton DM, a subsidiary of Longton Law Offices is a divorce attorney specializing in Men/Dad’s in divorce.  For experienced representation throughout the divorce process in Trenton, Michigan and the surrounding area you can find more information at http://www.michigandivorcelawyerfordad.com.

When Is Divorce The Only Option Left

Divorce is not an easy way out of a marriage that is unsatisfying.  Many people consider divorce as a last resort and try incredibly hard to make their way through the difficult times in their marriages.  Vows are taken seriously and people fight to make relationships work. That is why when a divorce occurs it is not taken lightly as it is not an easy wait out of something that you worked so hard to revive.  In fact the divorce process is anything but simple but sometimes it is the only way out of a difficult situation that cannot be fixed.

If you have considered every other option and have found that a divorce is inevitable consider the following article.  It will help you better understand a variety of scenarios in which a divorce is for sure a better option for both you and your spouse.

  • A divorce is probable when you have really taken every other step to make your relationship work.  There are times when your marriage will have a bunch of rough patches but with a little work and understanding they can be repaired.  If you have been to marriage counseling and have put in an honest effort into fixing the issues in your relationship than divorce may be all that is left.  Divorce might be the only option left to ensure that you and your spouse don’t spend the rest of your lives making one another miserable.
  • When two people have grown apart and have completely changed there may be no way to create what you had to begin with.  If the person you married long ago is not the person you are married to now a divorce is often in your cards. When your goals, interests and future dreams no longer align it may be time to look into divorce as your next step.  When the gap between who you were and who you are now cannot be gapped it is time to call it quits.
  • If you can’t stand one another and are avoiding all contact with each other it is time to consider options in ending your marriage.   If you can’t talk with each other without it turning into an argument you can be assured you have problems in your marriage that cannot be fixed.  Your situation would be better off ending in divorce.
  • When you start to see your marriage or lack thereof affecting your children it is time to consider separating.  Believe it or not even with the difficulties that divorce causes children staying in an unhappy relationship that is visual to your children is worse.  Your children will be happier when they see that the two people that love them most in the world are happy as well.

When you have hit the wall and divorce is the option that your marriage is heading in contact a divorce attorney.  Talking with an attorney that specializes in divorce and family law will allow you to get an upper hand with your life after divorce.

Longton DM, a subsidiary of Longton Law Offices is a divorce attorney specializing in Men/Dad’s in divorce.  For experienced representation throughout the divorce process in Trenton, Michigan and the surrounding area you can find more information at http://www.michigandivorcelawyerfordad.com.

Every Divorce Is Unique

Everyone knows at least one couple who has been through or is going through a divorce. When a couple is separating there are two types of friends; those that share too many details about their divorce and those who share nothing. What you need is a friend who has been through the process that is willing to lend an ear and offer advice as needed based upon their experiences. Each divorce experience is different, learn lessons and take advice from others but understand your divorce is unique.

The first thing you need to do when your considering a divorce or you find yourself served with divorce papers is to consult a reputable divorce attorney. I know, I know, that is obvious however even if you don’t thing a divorce attorney is affordable you still need to talk to one. Many offer free consultations and low cost alternatives to those who can’t afford a divorce attorney throughout their entire divorce process. Going through a divorce without any legal representation will end up costing more than just financially in the end. Even in an uncontested divorce hiring a divorce attorney is needed. Hire legal representation before signing anything that has to do with your divorce.

This too may seem obvious but many couples forget; put your children and their needs before anything else when you are going through a divorce. Children are not to be used as pawns during your divorce. They are innocent victims. Your divorce is as difficult if not more difficult on them than it is either of you. Throughout the process be conscious of your divorce and the effects it is having on your children. Their best interest is in fact the only thing the two of you must agree upon during the entire process. Children thrive in an environment that both parents are included in. Consider this before dragging them into your mess and before denying them from seeing their other parent.

Consider who you trust with information pertaining your divorce. Some advice is nice but too much can lead to issues. Don’t bring a new mate into your divorce, don’t rely on only family when going through a divorce; find one or two people to trust with the most sensitive details of your divorce and turn to them during your crisis. Involving too many people brings in to play a lot of opinions and advice that may not apply. Too many opinions cloud your judgment and can lead to rash decisions.

Consider mediation as trials are not something that is needed for every divorce or something that everyone is prepared for. When you go to trial your divorce becomes something that is then put into total stranger’s hands and is removed from yours. Divorces settled through trial can take time, a lot of money as well as expensive attorneys. Consider going through mediation with your spouse, roll up your sleeves and come up with a compromise that both of you can live with that is appropriate for the needs of your entire family.

In the end, after your divorce is finalized it is important that you remember what is important to you. The microwave and sofa might seem like trivial things when all is said and done. Think about the emotional toll that your divorce is having on you and your family when considering what is worth fighting for. From the start consider what you are hoping for by the end and don’t stress over the little things. Everything is replaceable except time with your children so consider that when mediating over each and every other minor detail of your divorce.

Longton DM, a subsidiary of Longton Law Offices is a divorce attorney specializing in Men/Dad’s in divorce. For experienced representation throughout the divorce process in Trenton, Michigan and the surrounding area you can find more information at http://www.michigandivorcelawyerfordad.com.

The Truth About Men Going Through A Divorce

When it comes to the image of men in divorce the perceptions is far from reality.  What we envision is that all men going through divorce dump wife number one for a hotter, younger version in wife number two.  We see this in every Hollywood story but the fact is that movies and Hollywood are far from real life. The truth is that most marriages end not because the man has decided the marriage is over but in fact the woman.  Two-thirds of all divorces in the United States are initiated by women.

The truth is that divorce often hits men far worse than women. They are emotionally unprepared and the support for men going through a divorce is far from what is available to women.  Yes, the truth is that most men fare better financially in the process however when it comes to the emotional toll men are hit harder than the portrayed images we have comes to see.

Men often take the marital failure personally and believe that they should have been able to fix it before it became unglued.  Fixers by nature, men have a difficult time admitting defeat.  Divorce is often seen as defeat.  Many men also don’t seek the emotional support that is needed with everything that divorce throws at them.  They are under the illusion that support makes them seem vulnerable and week and therefore tend to take internalize the pain. This leads many into self abuse such as drinking and drugs to cope.

Men don’t handle being alone.  The statistics show that after divorce men are more than eight times more likely to take their lives than their female counter parts. After divorce men that are alone often suffer from depression and typically end up in a new relationship; often times a relationship that is doomed from the beginning because it is only based on them not wanting to be alone.

When it comes to men going through divorce there is a stigma that comes with it; a code of masculinity.  This stigma comes with divorce, being fired from a job and any situation that is seen as failure to a man.  Thankfully many men do hit a point that they understand that the only way to move forward it to seek out support and counseling.

I have talked with many men after getting emotional help to allow them to move forward in their lives after divorce.  A majority of men start to understand what their marriages were missing and gain the knowledge to correct the problem.  Men often feel that if they would have had this emotional support in place before the divorce that more likely than not they would have been more apt to work with their spouse to save their marriages.

We often don’t realize it isn’t what we are giving it is what we are withholding that keeps us on the same page with our spouse.  Men see this through the emotional grieving process.  It is not the income they provide, the big house, the nice car but instead the attention their family craved that would have saved their marriages.

Longton DM, a subsidiary of Longton Law Offices is a divorce attorney specializing in Men/Dad’s in divorce.  For experienced representation throughout the divorce process in Trenton, Michigan and the surrounding area you can find more information at http://www.michigandivorcelawyerfordad.com.

Changes To Your Life After Divorce

The beginning of any new relationship is filled with blue skies, warm fuzzy feelings and all the best of emotions we can feel.  As we go through the relationship process there are ups, downs and everything in between.  Then one day the euphoria returns when you get engaged, plan a wedding and then get married.  This is when the ups, downs and everything in between phase starts all over.  There will be more highs, the birth of a child, there will be more lows, the death of a parent and there will be plenty of everything in between.  Learning to live and grow through all of that is what many couples find to be overwhelming which leads to our incredibly high divorce rate here in the United States.

If you find yourself experiencing the pain involved in the divorce process it is significant that you remember that this process will also be filled a mix of emotions.  Many men find themselves in a situation of little support while being determined that they need to maintain their masculinity. To many men this means not seeking the emotional support they need to grieve the loss of their marriage. There are many ways that your life with change after your divorce.  Thinking about the positives that will come from the process may help along the way.

The way that you go about making decisions will change all together once you are divorced.  You don’t have to come to a compromise any longer. The choices you make will all be your own.  Yes, you still have to think about how your decisions will affect the people around you including your children but there will be no more “we” in the process it will be all you.

Your priorities will shift.  Every moment will not be filled with wife, kids, house work and bills.  You will have time to think about what you want.  You will begin to realize you have control over things you never did before like what time you head to the gym, when you eat dinner as well as what you choose to eat.  Your personal feelings will matter again.  You won’t always be so overly concerned with what you are doing affects everyone else.  You will regain some personal freedoms that just aren’t available to you when you are married.

Your goals, dreams and desires will completely change.  Not every hope for the future will be surrounded with compromise.  After divorce you aspirations will change and for once you can begin to dream about your future and what you alone are dreaming of.  This can be thrilling and scary for newly divorced men especially a man that became used to focusing on the desires of his wife and family.  My advice, embrace it and charge forward.

Take time to take care of your emotional needs.  Seek support and counseling if needed.  Don’t become part of the two thirds of divorce men that sink into depression and don’t seek help to move through the grieving process of their lost marriages.  Seek support and be part of the one third that embraces the newly single status.  Be the father you desire to be for your children while being true to yourself.

Longton DM, a subsidiary of Longton Law Offices is a divorce attorney specializing in Men/Dad’s in divorce.  For experienced representation throughout the divorce process in Trenton, Michigan and the surrounding area you can find more information at http://www.michigandivorcelawyerfordad.com.

Knowing You Are Not Alone In Divorce

When a man and a women get married they never want to think that anything could ever end their happily ever after. The truth is that marriage often does end in divorce. The question is why? What are the challenges come between a husband and wife that can tear apart a home? While it is common when looking at divorce filings to see the women as the plaintiff in divorce men do file for divorce as well. Let’s explore some of the more common reasons men say they are lead to filing for divorce.

Infidelity is the number one reason couples give when seeking a divorce. It is hard to repair a marriage once a spouse has lost the trust and confidence of their partner. This is especially true when it comes to a wife having an extra marital affair. It is incredibly difficult to forgive someone for intimacy shared with another person especially one that pledged to share their life with only you.

Another issue that is often given by men filing for divorce is due to the inability or lack of desire to have children. The pressure for men to have children to carry on their family’s legacy is still alive even now when adoption options are incredibly common. Issues arise frequently when one spouse is unable to provide a child either because of a lack of interest or inability. This can lead to many complications in a marriage that can’t stand the test of time.

Love is an overwhelming feeling. Love shows itself in a variety of different ways at first. When you are in a relationship the natural flow of happiness often leads to marriage. The problem that exists is that in this “love” phase we are often blinded by issues with our partners that are sure signs of incompatibility. Incompatibility is another issue that is often cited as a reason for divorce. When there is a difference in attitude, beliefs or opinions that can’t be reasoned with men often seek out divorce. Incompatibility and a lack of compromise can quickly turn that overwhelming love into an annoying conflict of interest.

When a family is created the roles that men and women take on are varied. Children take a marriage that was balanced and often throw it off balance. When parents forget to rebalance their roles this can often lead to issues in the marriage. Often women become caregivers to the children and take on a more domestic role. When a man feels he is bringing more to the table than the woman it often leads him feeling as if he is being taken advantage of. This unbalance, if not quickly corrected, can lead a man to file for divorce.

Another thing happens when children are born, a curve in affection. When a child enters a family a new dynamic of attention and affection is created. Often time’s men feel that there is a lack of tending to and attention on them. When a spouse feels this neglect they often can become incredibly bitter. A lack of attention and affection from their spouse is a reason divorce attorney’s often site as a reason their client is seeking divorce as well.

No matter what reason you have for wanting a divorce it is valuable to know that you are not alone. Your reason is as valid as the next. If your marriage is lacking in any way shape or form you have every right to seek a divorce and create happiness for yourself and your children. If two people choose to stay married when they are clearly unhappy this creates a different set of issues especially when children are involved.

Longton DM, a subsidiary of Longton Law Offices is a divorce attorney specializing in Men/Dad’s in divorce. For experienced representation throughout the divorce process in Michigan you can find more information athttp://www.michigandivorcelawyerfordad.com.

Learning To Live Life During And After Divorce

When your marriage ends and you suddenly go from being a couple or family to being single it is a huge life adjustment. Getting back into the single life can be hard for men after divorce. This not only includes dating but also hanging out with friends, taking care of yourself as well as your home and other areas of your social life that you left your wife in charge of.  This process will take some time and can be an adjustment for many; the tips below will help you get back into the social groove.

First thing understand that you may need some time after your divorce to clear your head and grieve.  You may have had time while the divorce was in process to get a feel for the single life. Be aware however that many times you will find yourself coping with a different feeling once the divorce is actually final, assets are split and child custody & support agreed upon. You may find yourself starting the grieving process over again and that is okay.  Allow yourself time to mourn the loss of your marriage and old life.

Take time to be alone without being in a relationship or dating.  This time period allows you time to discover who you are, on your own, without the influence of anyone or anything else to compromise with.  The new you, especially the new you with children may not be what you remember from before your marriage.  You owe it to yourself to find out who you are and to adjust.

Take time to do things that you avoided and put off while you were married. This is the time to explore those things you wanted to while married but didn’t because your wife didn’t like it.  Now is the time to do what you want being it travel, fish or buy a motorcycle.  Enjoy yourself and do those things that you compromised because of your commitment to your wife and family.  When you are divorced there is no one to compromise with so the sky is truly the limit for you.  Take time to enjoy it and discover your single life.

Take some time when getting back into the dating game.  Play the field, go on a lot of dates and stay out of relationships to start with.  Many women will understand your desire to stay commitment free for while after your divorce.  If they don’t understand that desire most likely you are falling back into the same traps you may have in your first marriage.  Compromise is good to some point however if you find yourself always on the giving end you are dating in the wrong direction.

More than anything your life after divorce should take into consideration all you learned from your marriage and throughout your divorce.  Take the good and bad experiences and amplify the areas that work while reducing those that don’t.  Learn and grow from past mistakes, bad decisions and hardships.  Move past them and bring only the positives out of what you have learned into your new life.

Longton DM, a subsidiary of Longton Law Offices is a divorce attorney specializing in Men/Dad’s in divorce.  For experienced representation throughout the divorce process in Michigan you can find more information at http://www.michigandivorcelawyerfordad.com.